06-23-2025

There are moments in life that arrive without warning. Quiet, soft, unassuming, but they stay with you. People I didn’t expect, connections I didn’t plan for, feelings I didn’t even realize I was ready to feel. That’s what this was. Brief and sudden, but it meant something to me in a way I didn’t expect.

It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite films, Before Sunrise. Two strangers meet by chance and spend one long, spontaneous day together. No promises, no certainty—just conversations, wandering, laughing, connecting. A quiet knowing that maybe it’s all temporary, but also something they’ll carry with them. That’s exactly how it felt. It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t need to be. But it was real, and it was felt, fully, honestly, softly.

We only talked for a few days, really. Barely anything when you think about it. But something about it touched a part of me I don’t often let people reach. The part that’s still learning how to live with my heart wide open. It didn’t matter what we did or where we went. What mattered was how I showed up. I wasn’t trying to impress or perform. I was just there. Present. Curious. Unfiltered. And I was with a woman, and it didn’t feel scary or strange. It felt normal. Natural. Like something that finally made sense.

And that’s why it meant something. I let myself be fully myself. And that version of me deserves to be seen. I didn’t shrink away from how I felt. I didn’t overthink every little thing. I was just… me. And I was proud of that.

I was nervous, yeah. But deep down, I was excited. Something in me lit up, and without forcing it, I found myself opening up to her so easily. Like a version of me had just been waiting for someone to hold space for that honesty. Her presence made me feel calm. Safe, even. And for a moment, I let myself breathe differently, more freely than I had in a while.

But then, like all fleeting things, it shifted. I knew it would. I felt it coming. But on that day, I didn’t fight it. I flowed with it. I was just there, present in something that I didn’t expect to mean so much.

And when it started to fade, I felt the quiet closing of a door I didn’t even know I had opened so wide. And that part, that ache, hurt. Not because it ended. But because I had been holding onto something so tightly, only to realize I might’ve been the only one who was. Still, I don’t regret it.

I don’t regret being soft. I don’t regret the hope I held, even if it bloomed too early. Because in the end, what I gained wasn’t her. It was me. The version of me who’s not afraid to feel, who’s not afraid to be moved by a moment, even if it doesn’t last forever.

And yes, maybe I let my feelings stretch a little too far. Maybe I mistook gestures for something more. Maybe I was looking for meaning where there was only passing comfort. But the lesson wasn’t really about her. It was about me. About what I want, what I deserve, and what I won’t settle for. I want clarity. I want consistency. I want connection that feels safe and doesn’t leave me second-guessing. And most of all, I want to keep being the kind of person who feels everything deeply, even when it hurts, because that’s just who I am.

So to myself, thank you. For showing up fully. For taking the risk. For letting yourself feel something real, even when you weren’t sure what it was. For not protecting yourself so much that you missed out on something that helped you grow. You fell a little, and that’s okay. Because some moments are meant to be felt only once, but they still leave something behind.

Just like this one.